Dear Restaurant Patrons,

Please let me inform you of the current tipping etiquette. It is as follows:

If your waitperson was wonderful, fabulous, everything you ever dreamed of-you should leave 20% or more, if you are so inclined.

If your waitperson was entirely competent, but didn't thrill you because (s)he let your drink run out once and you had to ask for ketchup, but everything else was spot on, leave 15%.

If your waitperson is obviously less than a stellar example of the breed, leaving you drink-less at least twice and forgetting the ketchup and only checking on you once-take pity and leave 10% if they just look new to the job. If it's a bad attitude ruining your service, see next paragraph.

If your waitperson is obviously rude, acts like you are a bother, picks their nose, sneezes on your food, drops something and acts like its no big deal, doesn't come to your table at all, or otherwise lets you know (s)he doesn't give a crap about you, stiff them. Don't waste your money on this person...save it for the good waitstaff.

But PLEASE, whatever you do, do NOT project or inflict your OWN attitude on your waitperson. It is not our fault you are fighting with your significant other, have a cold, got fired, lost your house, etc. We get paid a sorry $2.15 an hour. That's right. TWO DOLLARS AN HOUR! AND the government taxes us on your tips, so if you stiff us, we get taxed for money WE NEVER MADE.

In short, there are many bad apples in our bunch. But the rest of us are getting pretty fucking tired of your bullshit treatment. If you can't afford to tip, sirs and madams, take your stupid asses to McDonald's.

Sincerely,

One Who Knows

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