Dear Diarylanders,

I have so many things on my mind right now with life happening and that decision all people must make about, "What the &#@% am I going to do w. my life?" right around the corner. It would be nice if I didn't have to deal w. fear as well.

Living in the town I live it - let's just call it Ghettoville - I fear a lot of things. Crime, prejudice, a bad education. This town is suburban, but somehow it has managed to, using a phrase from Half-Baked, "smoked [itself] retarded." What mostly scares me, however, is the prjudice.

A lack of a well rounded, decent education is always bad, mind you. But how can you get a good education if you're constantly living in fear? Constantly watching what you say, tentatively performing each and every action until things just seem so mechanical. Suddenly you're not living, rather you're going through the actions.

In Ghettoville I am the minority, and I am - dare I say it? - caucasian. Many people don't realize or want to acknowledge that in some places caucasians are the minority. And they also don't seem to realize what that means.

There are a lot of people out there who think that "the white man" is the source of all their problems. That they can't overcome "the man" because he's everywhere. Well, imagine those same people are in a town where "the white man" is less frequently and can easily become over powered. Just imagine. Imagine the rage that is taken out. Imagine what the individual "white man" has to deal w., paying for crimes that they never committed.

Here's an example. A teacher nearly lost his job because he tried to break up a fight. It was between two African-American girls, and the teacher - let's just call him Mr. Franco - tried to stop the fight. One of the girls, however, wouldn't stop. Thinking quick on his feet, Mr. Franco put the girl in a head lock. It was loose enough not to hurt her, but tight enough not to let her get away. The girl quite obviously faked a seizure and Mr. Franco got in trouble. Which is completely understandable, seeing as he was a teacher who put a girl in a head lock... But who came to see him?

The NAACP.

Why? Because he's white. Because he's white he's automatically putting a black girl in a headlock simply because she's black. Because he's white people are automatically labelling his as racist.

Does anyone else see the irony in that? I've had Mr. Franco as a teacher and he is far beyond racist. He's a deep man who can see every side of every issue.... He's above racism and prejudice in all forms.

And as if racism wasn't enough, I have to overcome homophobia as well, which is, in many ways, worse.

When you deal w. racism, you deal w. people you're not close to hating you (usually). You deal w. people that hate you, and don't even really know you most of the time.

Homophobia is a different story entirely.

Imagine all the people you love sitting around a table on some Holiday. Let's say Christmas. The love is in the air, everyone's happy, everyone's laughing. You've never felt more comfortable or loved in your entire life.

Now imagine someone brings something up that pertains to your demographic. Suddenly, the conversations turn from loving to brutal as the collective body starts bashing your demographic. They complain about how gross it is, how it should be stopped or at least kept a secret, and that they should squash the civil rights movement where it stands.

How are you feeling? Pretty small, eh? That's how it is for non-heterosexuals such as myself. My sister will sit there and bash Angelina Jolie for being bisexual, while I secretly harbor these thoughts of her being a major influential person in my life because she's so open. I silently wish I could have the strength to say, "Yeah, I'm bi." as my sister drones on about how disgusting it is.

The closest people to you seem to stab you in the back every day.

If you think we choose this life, you're wrong. Do you honestly think we sit here and go, "Gee, how can I make people hate me? How can I get society to cast down upon me and wrinkle their noses at my 'life style'? And not to mention take away basic rights - what would I need w. those??" Do you honestly think that Matthew Shepard sat down and said, "How can I get myself killed today?" I don't think so, not in the least bit.

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